Washington Integrative Medicine Association
Washington Integrative Medicine Association

Washington Integrative Medicine Association

Comparing men and women – in fun!

Stages of Life MALE


AGE DRINK
17 Beer
25 Beer
35 Vodka
48 Double Vodka
66 Maalox
AGE SEDUCTION LINE
17 My parents are away for the weekend.
25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
35 My fiancee is away for the weekend.
48 My wife is away for the weekend.
66 My second wife is dead.
AGE FAVORITE SPORT
17 Sex
25 Sex
35 Sex
48 Sex
66 Napping
AGE DRUG
17 Pot
25 Coke
35 Really Good Coke
48 Power
66 Coke, a Limousine, the Company Jet
AGE A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17 Tongue
25 Breakfast
35 She didn’t set back my therapy.
48 I didn’t have to meet her kids.
66 Got home alive.
AGE FAVORITE FANTASY
17 Getting to Third
25 Airplane Sex
35 Menage a trois
48 Taking the Company Public
66 Swiss Maid/Nazi Love Slave

AGE HOUSE PET
17 Roaches
25 Stoned-out College Roommate
35 Black Lab
48 Children from his first Marriage
66 Barbi
AGE THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17 25
25 35
35 48
48 66
66 17
AGE IDEAL DATE
17 Triple Stephen King feature at Drive-in.
25 Split the check and go back to my place.
35 Just come over.
48 Just come over and cook.
66 Sex in the Jet on the way to Vegas.

Female

AGE DRINK
17 Wine Coolers
25 Wine Coolers
35 Red Wine
48 Dom Perignon
66 Shot of Jack with Ensure
AGE EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
17 Need to wash my hair.
25 Need to wash and condition my hair.
35 Need to color my hair.
48 Need to have Francois color my hair.
66 Need to have Francois color my wig.
AGE FAVORITE SPORT
17 Shopping.
25 Shopping.
35 Shopping.
48 Shopping.
66 Shopping.
AGE DRUG
17 Shopping.
25 Shopping.
35 Shopping.
48 Shopping.
66 Shopping.
AGE A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17 Burger King
25 Free Meal
35 A Diamond
48 A Bigger Diamond
66 Home Alone
AGE FAVORITE FANTASY
17 Tall, Dark and Handsome
25 Tall, Dark and Handsome with Money
35 Tall, Dark and Handsome, Money and Brains
48 A Man with Hair
66 A Man
AGE HOUSE PET
17 Muffy the Cat
25 Unemployed Boyfriend and Muffy
35 Irish Setter and Muffy
48 His Children and Muffy
66 Retired Husband stuffs Muffy
AGE THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17 17
25 25
35 35
48 48
66 66
AGE IDEAL DATE
17 He Offers to Pay.
25 He Pays.
35 He cooks Breakfast the next morning.
48 He cooks Breakfast for the Kids.
66 He can chew Breakfast.

Submitted by: James Anthony Savage

What Women Want in Men

Original List (age 22):

1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover

Revised List (age 32):

1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week

Revised List (age 42):

1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
2. Doesn’t drive off until I’m in the car
3. Works steady — splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I’m talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends

Revised List (age 52):

1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn’t belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn’t borrow money too often
4. Doesn’t nod off to sleep when I’m venting
5. Doesn’t re-tell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers my name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends

Revised List (age 62):

1. Doesn’t scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn’t require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he’s laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it’s the weekend

Revised List (age 72):

1. Breathing
2. Doesn’t miss the toilet

Submitted by: Jester Jean


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