Washington Integrative Medicine Association
Washington Integrative Medicine Association

Washington Integrative Medicine Association

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Latest Posts

Dr. Barrett and Quackwatch Still in Bed with MQAC

Patty Melody is an investigator for the Department of Health. Mike Farrell is an attorney for the DOH that has publically denied Dr. Barrett’s involvement with the Probert Case. Dr. Barrett was declared an unreliable witness by Northern California Court of Appeals as such should not be part of any legitimate legal or licensing matter. Read More

The email tells a different story.

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Comparing men and women – in fun!

Stages of Life MALE


AGE DRINK
17 Beer
25 Beer
35 Vodka
48 Double Vodka
66 Maalox
AGE SEDUCTION LINE
17 My parents are away for the weekend.
25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
35 My fiancee is away for the weekend.
48 My wife is away for the weekend.
66 My second wife is dead.
AGE FAVORITE SPORT
17 Sex
25 Sex
35 Sex
48 Sex
66 Napping
AGE DRUG
17 Pot
25 Coke
35 Really Good Coke
48 Power
66 Coke, a Limousine, the Company Jet
AGE A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17 Tongue
25 Breakfast
35 She didn’t set back my therapy.
48 I didn’t have to meet her kids.
66 Got home alive.
AGE FAVORITE FANTASY
17 Getting to Third
25 Airplane Sex
35 Menage a trois
48 Taking the Company Public
66 Swiss Maid/Nazi Love Slave

AGE HOUSE PET
17 Roaches
25 Stoned-out College Roommate
35 Black Lab
48 Children from his first Marriage
66 Barbi
AGE THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17 25
25 35
35 48
48 66
66 17
AGE IDEAL DATE
17 Triple Stephen King feature at Drive-in.
25 Split the check and go back to my place.
35 Just come over.
48 Just come over and cook.
66 Sex in the Jet on the way to Vegas.

Female

AGE DRINK
17 Wine Coolers
25 Wine Coolers
35 Red Wine
48 Dom Perignon
66 Shot of Jack with Ensure
AGE EXCUSES FOR REFUSING DATES
17 Need to wash my hair.
25 Need to wash and condition my hair.
35 Need to color my hair.
48 Need to have Francois color my hair.
66 Need to have Francois color my wig.
AGE FAVORITE SPORT
17 Shopping.
25 Shopping.
35 Shopping.
48 Shopping.
66 Shopping.
AGE DRUG
17 Shopping.
25 Shopping.
35 Shopping.
48 Shopping.
66 Shopping.
AGE A SUCCESSFUL DATE
17 Burger King
25 Free Meal
35 A Diamond
48 A Bigger Diamond
66 Home Alone
AGE FAVORITE FANTASY
17 Tall, Dark and Handsome
25 Tall, Dark and Handsome with Money
35 Tall, Dark and Handsome, Money and Brains
48 A Man with Hair
66 A Man
AGE HOUSE PET
17 Muffy the Cat
25 Unemployed Boyfriend and Muffy
35 Irish Setter and Muffy
48 His Children and Muffy
66 Retired Husband stuffs Muffy
AGE THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
17 17
25 25
35 35
48 48
66 66
AGE IDEAL DATE
17 He Offers to Pay.
25 He Pays.
35 He cooks Breakfast the next morning.
48 He cooks Breakfast for the Kids.
66 He can chew Breakfast.

Submitted by: James Anthony Savage

What Women Want in Men

Original List (age 22):

1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises
10. An imaginative, romantic lover

Revised List (age 32):

1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head)
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a week

Revised List (age 42):

1. Not too ugly (bald head OK)
2. Doesn’t drive off until I’m in the car
3. Works steady — splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I’m talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends

Revised List (age 52):

1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn’t belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn’t borrow money too often
4. Doesn’t nod off to sleep when I’m venting
5. Doesn’t re-tell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers my name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends

Revised List (age 62):

1. Doesn’t scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn’t require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep
5. Remembers why he’s laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it’s the weekend

Revised List (age 72):

1. Breathing
2. Doesn’t miss the toilet

Submitted by: Jester Jean


SearchableJokes.com 1996-2006 SearchableJokes.com ~ All Rights Reserved

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The Song of the Mouth Organ

The Song of the Mouth-Organ

By Robert Service

I’m a homely little bit of tin and bone;
I’m beloved by the Legion of the Lost;
I haven’t got a “vox humana” tone,
And a dime or two will satisfy my cost.
I don’t attempt your high-falutin’ flights;
I am more or less uncertain on the key;
But I tell you, boys, there’s lots and lots of nights
When you’ve taken mighty comfort out of me.

I weigh an ounce or two, and I’m so small
You can pack me in the pocket of your vest;
And when at night so wearily you crawl
Into your bunk and stretch your limbs to rest,
You take me out and play me soft and low,
The simple songs that trouble your heartstrings;
The tunes you used to fancy long ago,
Before you made a rotten mess of things.

Then a dreamy look will come into your eyes,
And you break off in the middle of a note;
And then, with just the dreariest of sighs,
You drop me in the pocket of your coat.
But somehow I have bucked you up a bit;
And, as you turn around and face the wall,
You don’t feel quite so spineless and unfit —
You’re not so bad a fellow after all.

Do you recollect the bitter Arctic night;
Your camp beside the canyon on the trail;
Your tent a tiny square of orange light;
The moon above consumptive-like and pale;
Your supper cooked, your little stove aglow;
You tired, but snug and happy as a child?
Then ’twas “Turkey in the Straw” till your lips were nearly raw,
And you hurled your bold defiance at the Wild.

Do you recollect the flashing, lashing pain;
The gulf of humid blackness overhead;
The lightning making rapiers of the rain;
The cattle-horns like candles of the dead
You sitting on your bronco there alone,
In your slicker, saddle-sore and sick with cold?
Do you think the silent herd did not hear “The Mocking Bird”,
Or relish “Silver Threads among the Gold”?

Do you recollect the wild Magellan coast;
The head-winds and the icy, roaring seas;
The nights you thought that everything was lost;
The days you toiled in water to your knees;
The frozen ratlines shrieking in the gale;
The hissing steeps and gulfs of livid foam:
When you cheered your messmates nine with “Ben Bolt” and “Clementine”,
And “Dixie Land” and “Seeing Nellie Home”?

Let the jammy banjo voice the Younger Son,
Who waits for his remittance to arrive;
I represent the grimy, gritty one,
Who sweats his bones to keep himself alive;
Who’s up against the real thing from his birth;
Whose heritage is hard and bitter toil;
I voice the weary, smeary ones of earth,
The helots of the sea and of the soil.

I’m the Steinway of strange mischief and mischance;
I’m the Stradivarius of blank defeat;
In the down-world, when the devil leads the dance,
I am simply and symbolically meet;
I’m the irrepressive spirit of mankind;
I’m the small boy playing knuckle down with Death;
At the end of all things known, where God’s rubbish-heap is thrown,
I shrill impudent triumph at a breath.

I’m a humble little bit of tin and horn;
I’m a byword, I’m a plaything, I’m a jest;
The virtuoso looks on me with scorn;
But there’s times when I am better than the best.
Ask the stoker and the sailor of the sea;
Ask the mucker and the hewer of the pine;
Ask the herder of the plain, ask the gleaner of the grain —
There’s a lowly, loving kingdom — and it’s mine.

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The Men that Don’t Fit In

The Men That Don’t Fit In

There’s a race of men that don’t fit in,
A race that can’t stay still;
So they break the hearts of kith and kin,
And they roam the world at will.
They range the field and they rove the flood,
And they climb the mountain’s crest;
Theirs is the curse of the gypsy blood,
And they don’t know how to rest.

If they just went straight they might go far;
They are strong and brave and true;
But they’re always tired of the things that are,
And they want the strange and new.
They say: “Could I find my proper groove,
What a deep mark I would make!”
So they chop and change, and each fresh move
Is only a fresh mistake.

And each forgets, as he strips and runs
With a brilliant, fitful pace,
It’s the steady, quiet, plodding ones
Who win in the lifelong race.
And each forgets that his youth has fled,
Forgets that his prime is past,
Till he stands one day, with a hope that’s dead,
In the glare of the truth at last.

He has failed, he has failed; he has missed his chance;
He has just done things by half.
Life’s been a jolly good joke on him,
And now is the time to laugh.
Ha, ha! He is one of the Legion Lost;
He was never meant to win;
He’s a rolling stone, and it’s bred in the bone;
He’s a man who won’t fit in.

Robert Service

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